Everybody Drives Stupid but Me.
You can turn your brights off, genius. Your regular lights work JUST fine.
Death to those LED headlights. New car manufacturers are doing everything in their power to kill Princess Diana again with those sun rays burning a hole through our retinas. It’s not right and it is the only amount of personal responsibility I’ll let you skirt in this conversation because you NEED TO TURN YOUR BRIGHTS OFF WHEN THERE’S ONCOMING TRAFFIC.
I don’t know if there’s an afterlife, but if there is, I hope you are forced to stare directly into your cars brights for as long as you inflicted them on the rest of us mortals trying to get home before you’re allowed to do any of the fun heaven stuff.
“But Akilah, my TESLA shifts the lights automatically” — don’t complain to me about your faulty purchase! Turn off whatever dumb ass setting it comes with and save a life. We’re never going to Mars.
And while we’re airing vehicular grievances, I’m sick of you edgelords not using your damn turn signal. Get a real vice! Break the law in a way that won’t kill somebody—shoplift! Take a pair of gloves when your doctor leaves your exam room. Don’t simply drift into my lane, narrowly missing my car, and then flip me off when I give you the honkhonk you earned. You wanted this attention!
Everybody wants to talk about how communication is important, but can’t be bothered to communicate that they spent the last ten minutes dissociating and now need to get off at the exit NOWNOWNOW. Surely you can integrate flicking that turn signal on into your healthy lifestyle.
Ooh! And please stop racing me to the 4-way stop! That you may have to wait 5 seconds for your turn shouldn’t hurt your fragile bitch baby ego. Sit there and take it like everybody else. I already know you don’t know what to do if you arrive at the stop sign at the same time as everybody else (you’re supposed to let the car to the right go first), you’re just gonna skip the order and try to cause a wreck. It’s giving desperation, babe. You don’t look important and you don’t command respect. You look like you can’t process dairy but just ate a gallon of ice cream. Is it really an emergency? Is it worth dying over? CHRIST.
I have a friend out here in LA who told me he sold his car and takes the bus everywhere now because driving was making him a worse person. He spent the entire drive infuriated, fighting for his life, that by the time he got where he was going he had no desire to be there. I feel that. I can’t sell my car because what will I live in when what’s left of the various industries I built my career in collapse next year??? (idk if I’m even joking anymore tbh) But I do miss when I lived in New York and took the train and could read and listen to music and generally become a better person on my commute and not activate my villain-self.
Leave your car related grievances in the comments below.
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Two weeks ago my cousin was hit by a car as she was crossing the street on a green light, and a car was making a turn. She ended up with a fractured skull, a broken leg, and the inability to work for months. So my grievance is, GIVE PEDESTRIANS THE RIGHT OF WAY THEY LEGALLY HAVE.
Annoying when someone races into a roundabout without slowing when traffic is already circulating. Equally as annoying when someone in front of me misses their turn to enter the roundabout and I have to wait while everyone else gets to go.