Bob Iger Won

He allegedly said he wanted the actors and writers to lose their houses. Well, we are.

You’d never guess, but yes, Bob Iger is a nepo baby himself.

It brings me nothing but agony to have to turn to the internet for assistance again. In the past I’ve had to raise money for my own health troubles (including a recurrence of benign tumors that doctors just can’t seem to explain), bogus fees, friend’s funerals and a lot more. I’m grateful, you know? It’s what I have instead of generational wealth—a community of people who see value in the work I make and would like me to be able to keep making it. Every so often I’m dying and the internet helps bail me out. I may never be famous for anything but falling into poverty periodically because luck keeps looking the other way.

But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t an immense amount of shame and embarrassment about not having money in an age where bragging about how in-demand you are is its own form of currency. All I can do is sit back and laugh at how shortsighted it is to brag about having things when the world is more unequal than ever.

This is from 2016. The wealth inequality is even worse now, we just don’t have guillotines or the energy to organize.

I sold a show to FreeForm (Disney) in 2021. I worked on it all of 2022 and the first few months of 2023. Unfortunately, everyone knew the strikes were coming and they cut their programming. FreeFrom canceled all of their original scripted programming except for this final season of Grownish so they can finish out their deal with Kenya Barris. Suddenly all of the very talented people I knew were out of work.

This summer I became mildly obsessed with this animated FreeForm show from Anna Drezen (former head writer for SNL) called Praise Petey, about a millennial who leaves New York for the town her father led a cult in to assume his spot as leader of the cult after his death. The show starred Annie Murphy (Schitt’s Creek) and John Cho (Star Trek, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle). It ended its first season on an incredible cliffhanger and…isn’t coming back.

Across the board, opportunities have gotten axed. CBS isn’t ordering any new pilots this year. That means for actors who might have gotten a paycheck for shooting a pilot and potentially a big break for starring in a new show, one of the most lucrative networks just killed an entire pipeline.

At the other networks it doesn’t seem to be much better. Aging executives are upending the peaceful transition of power just like baby Trumps. They sold their souls to shareholders and have nothing to back it up, and instead of stepping aside for at least new blood to get a shot, they’re sitting in the burning house wondering why we’re complaining that the house is on fire. Anecdotally, I received 1 audition last month. This as compared to every year prior where I expected 5 or 6 per week and was getting better at acting and auditioning because of it. A person who I deeply admire, who was on an Emmy award winning show and has been famous since the early 2000s told me that things aren’t even happening for her. She has an AD home tour, and she can’t get work.

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A lot of people are confused as to why I don’t have money. Look, I’m right there with you. I have played the game over and over and over again and done everything right, backwards, and in heels, but the goalposts are light and easy to move. In all my self-hatred about not being born with any spoon in my mouth, I will try to distill how I ended up here:

• My mom is retired after working for an inner city public school for 30 years. My dad is dead and had nothing to give us. My grandparents have been dead for decades. That little bit of help so many people get from their parents doesn’t exist for me. Sorry, Gwyneth, that people call you a nepo baby, but if you never succeeded in any of your ambitions, your life was still funded.

• I probably flew too close to the sun getting foot surgery last year. I already had to get some giant fibroids removed, and even though it hurt my left foot every step I took, I probably could’ve not had the surgery to correct the bone issue. Probably could be limping with one more month of rent instead of broke.

• I also think I screwed up moving to LA. I was forced here for a job that ultimately went remote within months because of the pandemic, and moving everything from New York (and my car to LA from Kentucky) cost hella money. Money that never rematerialized through ad payments doing a podcast for 2 years. This is a city that costs a lot of money but provides very little. Especially since covid and the strikes. Constantly in recession with no opportunity, Los Angeles feels like a perpetual 2010.

• I probably should’ve just applied to jobs that didn’t cover my rent. Theoretically if I only slept 4 hours a night I could have done two full time jobs that paid enough to still never afford a vacation.

• I could’ve sold all my stuff sooner. Facebook Marketplace has become a scammers playground. Every time I post something I get 10 responses from people saying “Sorry, but my wife can come pick it up, what’s your zelle?” and I think the scam is that they can just access your money or something? It happens no matter what you post. So even as I’m trying to offload a laptop, a projector, a DSLR camera—things that historically don’t depreciate in value if you keep them nice—I can’t figure out where to put those things. Maybe eBay? I guess I’ll try that next.

• Could’ve gotten conventionally attractive sooner and muted my personality to marry an athlete.

And I don’t want to whine. I don’t want to beg. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. One person on Twitter said “aww, this industry always chews people up and spits them out.” I’d KILL to be chewed at any point. I’m in the same boat as everyone, I’m just being honest about it. I spoke with a friend last night who has a hit show that’s touring the country, and he admitted that there was nothing lined up after that; That in the next month he’s gonna be back where we all are. Talented, wasting our 30s in a place whose rent can’t be justified by the lifestyle it provides. Nothing to look forward to.

But he also said a couple other things that gave me a little relief: He said, “Akilah, would you judge anyone else who is in your position right now?” and the answer is no. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. The evidence is there that this is the worst time in the history of the entertainment industry (and journalism, let’s be real. My plan B died first tbh). If someone had no family near by, zero support financially from anyone, and kept having all their projects axed because of crumbling infrastructure, and systemic racism (look, I hate to say it too) I’d be sympathetic as hell.

I’m trying not to beat myself up too much, but if I told you where my mental health has actually been this past couple of months (with the deaths of multiple young friends, dealing with the emotional turmoil of assault, and working for free ad nauseum) this post would need a goddamn trigger warning. I’m at my wits end. The light inside of me is dead, and my plan at this point is to just do an estate sale and move away. Maybe go live in a sleepy New Mexico town, running errands for elderly people.

I am tired of suffering. I don’t deserve this.

The other thing he reminded me was that people only help if they want to. I’m not holding a gun to anyone’s head. And unfortunately it’s not free to move.

TL;DR: Anyway, if you want to help me in my 700th hour of need, my venmo is “akilahobviously”. I was raised to hate myself for needing things, so please forgive me for being around online less because my energy is poison at the moment and I can’t stop working for a second or the sadness will creep in.

Thanks for being my friend. I hate this.