THE 2023 GRIEF PLAYLIST

I don't know a single person whose heart is fully intact at the end of this year. Here's the media that's helping me through.

This year wasn’t great. I am of the belief that we are actually at the beginning of the Dark Ages but don’t know it yet. And for once, I’d really like to be wrong. But the signs are all there: Crippling inequality and debt burden, climate catastrophe, a very active military industrial complex, geriatric politicians making horrible choices, so much sickness, billionaires trying to seem relatable. It’s too much to take!

Thank goodness we are also in a golden era for impactful, original media.
And as I mourn the loss of two very unique, wonderful friends, and the evolution of some close friendships into acquaintanceship, my goals for the year (thank you strike, for going on long enough to threaten my ability to live indoors), and another year that just slipped away, here are my recommendations (in no particular order) for feeling less shitty about it all:

SCAVENGERS REIGN (MAX):

Watch the trailer.

Baby, let me tell you something: this show happened to me at the exact right moment. I was at my wits end. Scrolling death and destruction in blue light had worn me down, and I just wanted to escape. I happened to be looking for something meaningless to watch on one of the 400 apps I pay for now, and saw the thumbnail for an animated show, “Scavengers Reign.” I didn’t watch the trailer, I simply clicked and thought, “Well if it sucks I can turn it off and go to bed.” The first season has 12 episodes, around 22 minutes each, and I completed it in 2 days. The show follows a few individuals who crash landed on a planet, and found themselves separated and surviving an entirely alien ecosystem. The characters are deep and resourceful as they mourn the loss of their regular lives before all of this. But they’re also curious, and with the tribulations of a new food chain and allergies, they can’t linger in the sadness too long—survival is most important. An argument could be made that this is the best sci-fi show in generations, but I don’t want to argue and if you like Stranger Things more, that’s fine with me. But I found the music, the atmosphere, and the writing to be transcendent. I cannot stop telling people about this show, and I will probably watch it again in this week after Christmas that’s somehow both 2 minutes and 17 YEARS long.

boygenius, “Letter to an Old Poet”

I slept on boygenius. I admit it. I have a real loyalty problem when three white girls are together, and made up in my mind that they were somehow in competition with HAIM. They aren’t. The band is made up of three excellent musicians and songwriters in their own right. But this song came on spotify recommended, and I played it back probably 80 times in a week.

You’re not special, you’re evil/

You don’t get to tell me to calm down/

You made me feel like an equal/

But I’m better than you and you should know that by now.

PUMP IT INTO MY VEINS. If you’ve ever been let down by a man who should know better, this is the anthem, get your damn hands up. The entire album (the record) is filled with deep emotion and haunting harmonies. I think you gotta just trust me on this one.

Renaissance: A Film by Beyoncé

I have been accused of being a mindless stan online because I posted how much I enjoyed this film at the same time it was kind of mindlessly being criticized for being shown in certain countries amidst the horror and conflict. And I do love Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, but I also think that the burden of geopolitics is not to fall on artists’ shoulders. It’s most important for art to be art in moments like this. For there to be a celebration of creation instead of destruction. I fully agree and align with the message that a permanent ceasefire and diplomacy need to happen as soon as possible, and I also think being mad at Black women in this moment is misguided and poor organizing. ALL OF THAT SAID, This is a major celebration of Black, queer joy, and also top-notch artistry. I saw this film with three friends and we all gasped, clapped, danced, cheered, and saw hope in this. Especially in a year where entertainers are trying to remember what was so alluring about this industry, I found it comforting to watch at least one person be empowered to take an idea out of their brain and put it on the world stage. It’s still showing in some AMC locations, and if you want a place to go, maybe alone, to just breathe for a bit, I’d recommend it.

MUNA, “Number One Fan”

I think this song is a perfect song for these times. The first verse is a little heavy, but she quickly gets to the point and hits you with the dancey part. You deserve a dance party in your house. You deserve to be your number one fan and to express it in song. Blah blah. Add it to a playlist. I promise it’s worthwhile.

Kentucky Route Zero (Video Game)

Okay, wait, before you blow through this…

I know a lot of people, probably most people reading this, don’t play video games. Or they haven’t in decades. I get it. But please hear me out: you know how you (maybe) watched The Last of Us on HBO and thought, “Damn, that’s good storytelling,” and, “Wow! That was beautiful?” It’s because video games are in a golden era, and they do tell stories this gorgeous now. So this game apparently can be played on your phone via Netflix (who knew?). I played on my Switch in 2020. It’s a story told in five acts, like a play. There is no way to die in-game. You don’t shoot anyone. This is a narrative video game; Meaning you mostly are reading an engrossing and elaborate tale and choosing your own adventure therein. Kentucky Route Zero is a story about debt, loss, and discovery. I replayed the first act (each act takes about 2 hours to play through, but you can obviously take breaks within the act) after losing two friends, super young, in rapid succession this November. Believe me, I tried to watch mindless Christmas movies, but their cheeriness rang too hollow. It felt too meaningless. This game isn’t devastating, but it is eerie and quiet, and somehow that combination, plus a storyline outside of my own life, was a perfect combination. If you need more reason to give it a chance now, the soundtrack is beautiful. It’s a bluegrass masterpiece, and one song actually did move me to tears:

No spoilers, but the song doesn’t happen until ACT V.

Okay, I hope this pile of ideas helps you. It’s helped me a lot. I’m sure there are more things that will help in the future, since grief is not some linear thing. Maybe I’ll do a part 2 at some point.

See ya in 2024,

A

P.s.: I’m going to start making videos exclusively for substack paid subscribers. See the announcement below, and consider subscribing. It helps feed my dog, and after the strike lord knows he’s hungry.