Sometimes the 'Check Engine' Light Goes off On Its Own.

A bit of wisdom I'll need throughout 2025.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Years ago, back before I was a fully realized adult, I drove a 1995 Infiniti I30. It was my pride and joy. Dark green, Bose audio system, leather heated seats. The height of luxury for any 20 year old college graduate trying to make the most of their new freedom.

The summer after I graduated from Berea College, that beauty broke down on the side of a highway. Smoke poured out of the engine, and I had to have it towed to a shop miles away. That summer was formative for me.

The car was a tragedy. Week after week it remained in the shop. They assured me they’d tried everything, and by this point I’d sunk $2,000 into it trying to bring it back to life. Though it would start, and could drive, without fail several more times it would putter out, smoke coming in through the vents now, me canceling whatever plans I was en route to, waiting for my mom to come pick me up. So much for independence. It was simply out of my control.

Ultimately I sold that car for parts. But in one month-long period that summer I had the car and it worked, and even though I had endless questions, the only good answer the mechanic could come to was, “sometimes the check engine light goes off on its own.”

He said it, and the car drove until I finally sold it to move on with my life, miles away in Orlando, FL.

More recently I got a new car battery after it died outside of my dog’s sitter’s house the moment I got back to LA, exhausted from a day of travel. The night extended two hours while I waited for roadside assistance to bring my car back to life. The next day the same man installed a new battery right there in my driveway. And like always, the ‘check engine’ light came on.

But the thing is, my car is in great shape. I take care of it. So instead of falling into further anxiety (and potentially endless car debt), I reminded myself that sometimes…the check engine light goes off on its own. Summer turned to fall, and sometime over a week ago I hit a bump on the road, and like a miracle, THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT WENT OFF ON ITS OWN.

We cannot control everything. Not by a long shot. Not through over-education. Not through sheer willpower. Not through terminal hope. The next year will have a lot of challenges (I’m sorry), but many will largely be out of our control. But if the in-fighting between Elon Musk and the MAGA base he keeps calling slurs on X is any early proof: the check engine light sometimes goes off on its own.

We may want to intervene, but sometimes it’s better if we control ourselves, our reactions, our energy.

I hope your 2025 is better than what has been. I hope it’s big, and bright, and more ambitious, and more rewarding. I hope you surprise yourself in a good way. I hope it’s one worth remembering.

See you in your inbox all year,

Akilah