On the eve of the Love is Blind S6 Finale

Do we even care if these NPCs get married?

The most sincere face I could muster watching this shit.

I will start with a confession: I find today’s era of reality shows tedious. Maybe it’s because I’m an adult now, and when I was 10 and too young to be as obsessed as I was with The Real World and Flavor of Love, I wasn’t as hyper-aware of how heavy-handed producers and editors are, and I was naive enough to believe falling in love on camera was something possible for anybody casting decided on. I also had never been drunk and had less awareness of how many mistakes people make while inebriated.

But I’m also a really good friend, and so when my friend Ariel came to town two weeks ago and demanded I be caught up on the show so we could watch it together, I suffered 5 hours of the hit Netflix show to meet her requests. I’m now emotionally invested forced to see the show to its conclusion tonight.

There’s only one couple that seems even remotely compatible, and because of that they’re barely on the show. Puerto Rican Amy and the guy whose face (I’m hearing his name is Johnny?) is always red and who is obsessive about getting Amy on birth control are just boring. Like maybe they should be married. Maybe they should just date for a few more months and decide if they really have to do this. But in any case, neither is deal-breaker levels of toxic and if they do actually get married it won’t matter because they’re just not filled with the kind of drama that makes this show so grating successful.

Then there’s the Crimson Chin and Jimmy. Wow, has a more annoying couple ever existed? Chelsea is clearly struggling with insecurity and alcohol issues on TV week after week and whining at Jimmy who honestly seems desperate for her to call It off. THE WHINING NEVER CEASES. The reason I’d never be cast on this show is because I realize life is bigger than whatever they signed up for here. Like, okay, so what if he proposed to you? Clearly you all suck together. There’s no way for him to make you feel secure, and the fact that he seems tired of trying is the red flag. Like, just go be alone, both of you. Ack.

This couple. I mean. Look, representation matters, so if we have to sit through a bunch of bad matches pretending they’re in love, why not let some of them be Black? My real issue with them is that they are so obsessed with societal expectations for having a partner that I’m not even sure they would know what love is if it punched them in the face. If they get married, $10 says Clay cheats within a month. It’s just giving stunted.

Lauren and Jeramey are funny because why are they still pushing their storyline on us?? They bailed on the Ken storyline when that couple broke up, but we just keep seeing her dress him down for obviously cheating on her with the republican girl with the cheekbone filler. She’s free of him and his Hawaiian shirts now, why can’t we be?

This show brings out the worst in me. It just makes me so pessimistic about the dating pool. Like if it’s just these NPCs blathering on about how real love is when a guy never goes to his friend’s birthday party without you, and like long ass, poorly written letters as ultimatums to wear someone down get someone to fall in love with you, I’d rather be single forever. Is it just a bunch of overgrown children desperate for a ring and to be able to say someone wanted to be with them? Has romance jumped the shark?

This is no place for a woman like me. These streets. These dolts. These easily-duped and impressed locals. I hate to be elitist about this, but this doesn’t bode well for people who read, or emotionally regulate. Love is Blind makes the case that humans should just go extinct.

-A